Mitt Romney described President Obama's action to grant temporary relief from deportation to over 800,000 undocumented immigrants who met certain criteria as "political". Whoa! Mitt, you really know how to hurt a guy. 


Mitt, we need to talk. 

President Obama occupies a political office. When he takes an action pursuant to a policy … lifting the shadow of deportation from a deserving category of undocumented immigrants … it is, by definition, "political". If you get elected to a political office, you will get to perform "political" acts. If not, you can continue to meet new friends by touring WAWA Stores, and asking people about their hoagies. Plus, you will not have to limit your visits to swing states and you can put Biff back up on the roof where, as you like to say, "the mangy little bugger belongs". 

Another thing, Mitt. If the President had not taken action on a policy that he believed in, he would have been accused by some of your new best friends forever (Sheldon Adelson, Rush Limbaugh, Rupert Murdoch) of lacking leadership skills. These guys can be very unpleasant … you'll find out if you ever don't do what they tell you to do. The good news for you, Mitt, we know there's no chance of that. Dodged a bullet there, good buddy.

But I've got to tell you, Mitt, President Obama sure did put your knickers in a knot by the action he took, didn't he? You need to be a real hard ass on immigration (channel your inner Sheriff Joe Arpaio) to hold the full moon right which, of course, is your base. But, you probably can't win with less than 30% of the Latino vote. Bummer. Where are all the grumpy old white guys when we need them? 

Next to last thing, Mitt, did you happen to notice the warm welcome that President Felipe Calderon gave President Obama when he arrived in Mexico on June 18? You were at the WAWA in Folsom, PA. Nasty good hoagies, I hear. President Calderon called President Obama's immigration action "unprecedented" and said it took "valor and courage". Mitt, you've been campaigning for one office or another since 1994, when Ted Kennedy gave you a good beating. Have you ever tried "valor and courage" in a campaign? How about at Bain Capital? Oops, sorry I asked. 

Very last thing, Mitt. President Obama will probably run television ads on Univision and Telemundo featuring President Calderon's statement praising Obama's bold action. When President Obama runs these ads, you will be absolutely justified in accusing him of "campaigning". That will be your shining moment. 

PS Mitt, I should have told you before. Univision and Telemundo are TV stations where people talk and viewers watch and listen in Spanish. Can you believe it? Blew me away too. 

PPS Hey Mitt, good answer on Face The Nation on Iran. Sheldon will love the idea that you're willing to go bombs away on Iran right from the start. Newt got $10 million out of Sheldon when he called the Palestinians an "invented people". There's literally no telling how much Mr. Adelson will pay for a good old-fashioned bombing. Cha-Ching. Cha-Ching. By the way, has he started calling you Mittsie yet?

PPPS Just thought of something … Mitt "Bombs Away On Opening Day" Romney. I like it. Run it by Sheldon, Rove, and the guys back at HQ. You know, like we used to say back at Bain, "Run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it." Cha-Ching. Cha-Ching. Can you imagine the money you can make if you actually win? Boggles what's left of my mind! 

My best to Ann, Biff and the boys. 

**Please note that Wednesdays Wars will be on break, and will return with new posts on Wednesday, July 18th.**