I've heard from your people that you liked my June 20, 2012 memo, and that you'd like me to send my advice and views throughout the campaign. Will do.

Bain Capital and Outsourcing

This topic, along with whether or not you should release more of your income tax returns, has dominated the news for the last 10 days. I think you've handled it reasonably well, given the mess you put yourself in when you signed all those documents on file at the SEC, saying that you were Chairman of the Board, President, Chief Executive Officer, Managing Director, and Sole Shareholder when Bain was putting companies into bankruptcy, firing people, and outsourcing jobs left and right. Your claim that you had nothing to do with the company at that time is necessary for the viability of your candidacy.

After all, if you were involved in the decision-making when jobs were destroyed you, by definition, were not a 'job creator'. If you weren't a 'job-creator', what do you have left? Yeah, I know you're pretty as a picture with dynamite hair … but what else?

Interestingly, the disclosure form you signed says you were paid "over $100,000 per year" during the two years that you claim you had "absolutely nothing to do with Bain". That phrase ("over $100,000") could mean you received $1-2 million or more … who knows? Lucky for you, the not-so-smart press hasn't picked up on that.

Just between you and me, I would bet you drew closer to $2 million per year than $100,000 during the "absolutely nothing to do with Bain" years. For the time being, the less said about this, the better.

The Solution:  Retroactive Resignation

Our old friend Ed Gillespie (you remember him … former RNC Chair) may have stumbled into a solution for you on the Bain/outsourcing mess. He said you couldn't have had anything to do with the dark side of Bain, because you "resigned retroactively". Yeah, I know, Ed's not the sharpest pencil in the box, and the concept really doesn't pass the laugh test, but it may be the best you've got.

However, the more you think about Ed's idea, it has elegant simplicity and infinite transferability. You're there for the good stuff, and when stuff turns bad and, most importantly, people start finding out that it's bad, you resign retroactive to the last day of the good stuff.

You're a piece of work, Mittens. A job-creator from jump!

Diversionary Move:  Condi Rice VP

You ran a good diversionary move getting the press to go with the story that Condoleezza Rice is being seriously considered for the Vice Presidential slot on your ticket. The press bought in and it gave you a couple of days' respite from the Bain and tax-return stories. It doesn't get any better than that. In a way, she's sort of like you. She's pro-choice, but if she really wants a job, she's willing to shut up about it or, if it's a really big job, she's willing to have a "change of heart" and flip. Sound familiar?

I have to tell you, though, that if you were to announce that she's going on the ticket, you wouldn't even be the nominee. The purists on abortion would put Tampa to the torch, and you'd have all you could do to get out of town. Can you hear "Draft Santorum"?


Make sure you have someone in legal take a look at Title 18 USC 1001. It's the Federal Criminal Statute that makes it a felony punishable by imprisonment of five years if one makes "false or misleading statements" in a matter before a government agency like the SEC. If there is a whole lot of correspondence, phone records, and computer traffic between Bain and you while you "had absolutely nothing to do with Bain", I have one thing to say. I understand you can buy a really high-speed, heavy-duty shredder (think hard drives) that, shall we say, hums with the sweet music of a campaign saved and jobs created. Maybe you can even get one that plays "Hail to the Chief" as unpleasant memories just waft away. Need I say more.

As always, best to Ann, Biff, and the boys.

P.S. I understand you'll be in Israel at the end of the month. Be super-nice to Bibi. He's very close with Sheldon Adelson who, as you know, has the keys to the kingdom. We'll talk more on that later.