If Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina are the answer, what in heaven's name is the question?

No, no, no … it's not, who's going to be the next President and Vice President of the United States … no way, José. That would be cruel and unusual punishment.

Cruz and Fiorina are called to a different line of work. Judging by their constant mention of, and support for, a bizarre Indiana law requiring transgender people to use the public restroom of their birth gender, they seem suited for work in this area. Perhaps they could constitute a two-person strike force of gender verification and enforcement.

Donald Trump, to his credit, has declined to join the Cruz-Fiorina team in this “Bathroom” slime pit.

The forces of the universe have conspired to bring Cruz, Fiorina, The Indiana Bathroom Law, and The Indiana Republican Primary together in a toxic conflagration which will be resolved when Indiana votes Tuesday, May 3. This could, thankfully, constitute the beginning of the end for the strange Mr. Cruz and his extraterrestrial partner, Mrs. Fiorina.

Ted Cruz is a two-trick pony. First, he's smart. Second, he can speak. Past that, it's ambition, deception, and creepy obnoxiousness.

It is not that he has bad character … it's that he's completely devoid of any character. Character doesn't serve any purpose. It has no utility in Cruz World. It's a career path hindrance … something for people from the lesser Ivies or, perish the thought, State Schools.

Cruz recognized early on that if you have national ambitions in the Republican Party, the sweet spot is all the way to the right. Don't let anyone get to the right of you. Learn to talk like you've read the Bible and be totally uncompromising on Right To Life. No exceptions. Not for rape, incest, or the life of the mother. This will bring in the Christian Evangelicals who vote in big numbers and will work for a candidate that agrees with them.

It also might bring in some fringe organizations that aren't averse to taking direct (violent) actions against individuals and organizations that provide abortions. For someone like Cruz, if these folks can help you win in Iowa or elsewhere … so be it. Nobody's perfect, right?

But, the Christian Evangelicals can only take you so far. They might get you a win in Iowa (notice the bozos that win Iowa … Cruz, Santorum, Huckabee) and a couple of other spots, but they won't win the nomination for you and they certainly won't win the General Election.

You're going to have to impress what the press euphemistically refers to as “National Security Voters” and you're going to have to raise money. Interestingly, one call will go a long way towards solving both problems.

“Hello, Venetian Hotel, Sheldon Adelson please.” If you're someone like Cruz, you've been calling him a couple of times a month for quite a while. He's heard the basics of your Israel pitch (our most dependable ally … rip up the Iran Deal … Palestinians an “invented people” …) so many times he cuts you off and asks you, “How are you going to win?”

Now, if you're Ted Cruz, you know that Adelson and his colleagues on the Board Of The Republican Jewish Coalition are smart enough to realize that an uncompromising attitude on abortion, Planned Parenthood, and gay marriage are losing positions in the General Election. They also know that giving money to losers is for losers, and they ain't losers.

So you meet with Sheldon and a few of his close friends … no transcript or recording … these guys weren't born yesterday. Assurances are given. Cruz tells them, “He doesn't want to be Pastor In Chief, he wants to be Commander In Chief.”

At the appropriate time, the Evangelicals will be moved to the sidelines and trotted out for occasional Prayer Breakfasts, and the preemptive warriors and carpet bombers will assume their rightful seats at the head of the table.

That's Ted Cruz. Lock up one group early by giving them everything they want. Go to the next group and assure them you were just kidding the first group and didn't really mean it. When the first group gets wise, double-cross the second group and claim it was all a misunderstanding.

Let's hope it blows up in his face and we've seen the beginning of the end of Mr. Ted Cruz.

I will post again on Wednesday June 1, 2016 or before if the news flow dictates.

Comments are welcome at tomc[at]wednesdayswars[dot]com. Comments will be addressed in subsequent posts.